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21 June 2011 @ 09:26 pm
Forgive me the confusion, forgive me as I realize my thoughts betray  

I've been chronically avoiding my e-mail since Sunday for reasons not so obvious to most (re: all) I know. The past week and a half has been a mountain of emotional turmoil- incredible highs and sudden lows.

Whatever the case, after thirteen years I have closure on one particular matter though I wish I had been the one with the courage to put an end to it and much sooner too.

Loss and solitude are old friends of mine, but we're getting increasingly distant. Sometimes they show up like unwelcome guests at a particularly good party, but I have less and less to lose and I'm finding it increasingly easy to reach out when there's something on my mind. Closure will do that. I don't mind getting hurt so much anymore, and when things get too heavy I have my own mental sanctuaries, safeguards on my psyche I've carefully constructed for years. They're beautiful, and sometimes I wish I could share them, but they're mine. I know I can retreat, though it makes me a little spacy. I wish people would stop asking if I'm alright though. Especially in large groups because whether or not I'm being honest with you, my automatic response is that I'm fine.

Still, I feel that particular mask perpetually slipping. I'm not entirely sure it's a bad thing, but certainly inconvenient.

Who knows, I might even one day be ready to talk in not-so-vague terms. But not here, not to a journal.


On a less serious note, the months-long game has reached it's conclusion. Everybody lives, Rose! Just this once, everybody lives! ...Sorry, I was somehow channeling Christopher Eccleston.

In any case, for those of you attached to your characters in the game, or just want to see their shenanigans play out, here's the community and the journals:

Tina Clay : stake_and_bake
Leopold Reynolds: bloodycontracts
Icarus Anthen: mybffphillip
Clio DeLuca:
David Vardez: finishes_last
Nathan Caldur: detectivescruff

The Comm: rac_privateeye
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
the angry young mantransrelativity on June 22nd, 2011 02:58 am (UTC)
Vardes with an S! I'll make one for Sammy eventually. Did you like my Nathan icons
the angry young mantransrelativity on June 22nd, 2011 02:59 am (UTC)
And Calder with an E. :p
Anhedonicjesteranhedonicjester on June 23rd, 2011 04:35 pm (UTC)
i love tina;s

also, just an ad naseum reminder, that if or when you wannt talk (about anything at all) you have tons of ears more than willing to listen